Life steps and the backwards paths that move us forward.

So if you’ve been following my writings, you know that my fiancée and I just bought a house. It’s a scary deal for both of us, and even more for me. I just recently started a new position at my work and it’s commission based. It’s a new and wonderful position where I help people make decisions on furniture design and get to be with them from start to finish and afterwards. I honestly get to emerse myself into their lives and become like a new child (with limited) design knowledge. They trust me and take my opinions on what’s right and wrong in their living space. I love it. But it’s a risky business. Anyone in commission based sales knows this. You depend on so many different factors to see people and it takes time to build your client base. And for my fiancée and I, it’s to much. 

And I feel badly.

I wish I could mentally handle the stress of handling such delicate affairs with clients that trust me and keep up the work load with a second job. I wish that I could focus that much. I don’t handle stress well and I get nervous and thoughtless. Now that being said, it’s not that I can’t handle stress, but it’s the stress that people look to you as a person to carry forth and protect them from bad decisions and harmful financial situations. I wish I could keep my mind in the game at my main job, while taking a second part time job. But then, I think I would be stretching myself to thin. Burning the candle at both ends, as my mum would say. It’s destructive and I do not want to put any pressure on my fiancée with unwanted stress because of my inability to deal. And lastly, the financial commitments needed for buying and maintaining a home is not conducive to a new sales position. 

So I’m taking a step back. Going back to my old position. To help people, and help myself. Hourly wage peace of mind. It sounds horrible and it is definitely a step backwards in my life and career, but I need to do it this way for my sanity and my relationship. It’s going to help financially and maybe even open up the possibility of school for me again. I had dreams of going back to school for a business diploma, and maybe now, finally, I can get on that education train. And I love the company I work for. It’s full of kind and caring people, (sales people are people too!) and everybody brings their own individually and it really is a second home for me. There are people that think like me and are crazy, but also are among the most intelligent people that I know. And everyone has taught me something different. In small ways and big ways, but more importantly given me a sense of family and belonging, crazy as it may be. 

Nobody knows yet, and it will be hard to tell them when the time comes, but at least I’m not going far. Just back to the warehouse where people will only get to see me once in a while when they need help or when I pop out and take a look at what could have been.

Shucks. I’m gonna miss this. 

Onwards and backwards!


Crunching numbers….and toes.


Budget, budget, and budget. 

I (and by I, I totally mean my fiancée and kinda me) am up to my ears in accounting papers. I now understand what I means to be in the red, as when you crunch numbers like we have, the only thing you see is red. Red from being house poor. Red from paper cuts. Red from the rage of losing a prospective home. And the list goes on. I have developed a twitch in my left eye (it’s only slight, but still annoying) from all the stress of home buying in the last two weeks. Between my new commission based job and Christmas debt, I’m not sitting in a great spot right now. I am and have looked at part-time (full-time) work to help supplement my income, but who really wants to work at a McJob when they are almost 30 (?). So my wonderful fiancée, is extra stressed as she is the saver of money. Her name should be Littlefinger, for how she moves finances in our kingdom. I’m more like Jon Snow (before the wall) trying hard to make everything right. 

Budget. Calculate on low end income on high end bills. Never get surprised. If you can afford something on a shitty budget, consider yourself lucky. And blessed. And the God of student loans must have smiled upon thee, for art thou debt free(ish). And here I am, arms in the air, screaming,” lawd! Lay it on me!” And a house falls on me like I’m the wicked witch of the east. 

Is it three or four heel clicks?

Housing anxiety…

So I have had a few days off, and I’m telling ya, the day’s are killing me. Down time is think time and think time is stress time. So much stress. Gah, I wish buying a house came with strict guidelines (jokes). Or that I could travel back in time and tell my younger self that I need to save every dollar I earn so that when I turn 30, I may be able to buy a house I like. 

Now, I’m blessed to have a fiancée who had the right piece of mind to save and now it’s up to her to provide all the money for home buying, while I have nothing to contribute and feel and look worthless while she betters our life. Thank whoever, because she’s saving my mind as I turn older and feel like life should be where my parents currently are (house/ life). Never thought I’d be saying things like that, but it’s true. To make my stress worse, I currently work in a 100% commission based job. Now it’s a fantastic job, that I worked hard to get to over the course of 3 years, but the financial doubts pay check to pay check are brutal. Especially so since the previous position I had worked at had good consistent pays that I could count on. Like I was saying, she’s a saint with savings.

So house hunting has been great for us as a relationship building exercise. Urguments, disagreements and shouting matches about money make us both stronger and thankfully, we both come around. With the help of pizza, beer, and a good movie. I cannot stress that home buying is one of the most loved AND hated things. Make a list, check it twice and edit it when new points come up. It will help you narrow the field down and avoid garbage homes that you both don’t like and waste time going to see it. We learned that early. And boy, I’m glad we did. Even a garbage house looks good when you continue going to garbage houses. It’s not until you find something you both really like that sets the bar and makes everything else look like shit. It’s like driving a Lamborghini after driving a nice reliant automobile for a few laps. 

But I will continue this later on!