Life steps and the backwards paths that move us forward.

So if you’ve been following my writings, you know that my fiancée and I just bought a house. It’s a scary deal for both of us, and even more for me. I just recently started a new position at my work and it’s commission based. It’s a new and wonderful position where I help people make decisions on furniture design and get to be with them from start to finish and afterwards. I honestly get to emerse myself into their lives and become like a new child (with limited) design knowledge. They trust me and take my opinions on what’s right and wrong in their living space. I love it. But it’s a risky business. Anyone in commission based sales knows this. You depend on so many different factors to see people and it takes time to build your client base. And for my fiancée and I, it’s to much. 

And I feel badly.

I wish I could mentally handle the stress of handling such delicate affairs with clients that trust me and keep up the work load with a second job. I wish that I could focus that much. I don’t handle stress well and I get nervous and thoughtless. Now that being said, it’s not that I can’t handle stress, but it’s the stress that people look to you as a person to carry forth and protect them from bad decisions and harmful financial situations. I wish I could keep my mind in the game at my main job, while taking a second part time job. But then, I think I would be stretching myself to thin. Burning the candle at both ends, as my mum would say. It’s destructive and I do not want to put any pressure on my fiancée with unwanted stress because of my inability to deal. And lastly, the financial commitments needed for buying and maintaining a home is not conducive to a new sales position. 

So I’m taking a step back. Going back to my old position. To help people, and help myself. Hourly wage peace of mind. It sounds horrible and it is definitely a step backwards in my life and career, but I need to do it this way for my sanity and my relationship. It’s going to help financially and maybe even open up the possibility of school for me again. I had dreams of going back to school for a business diploma, and maybe now, finally, I can get on that education train. And I love the company I work for. It’s full of kind and caring people, (sales people are people too!) and everybody brings their own individually and it really is a second home for me. There are people that think like me and are crazy, but also are among the most intelligent people that I know. And everyone has taught me something different. In small ways and big ways, but more importantly given me a sense of family and belonging, crazy as it may be. 

Nobody knows yet, and it will be hard to tell them when the time comes, but at least I’m not going far. Just back to the warehouse where people will only get to see me once in a while when they need help or when I pop out and take a look at what could have been.

Shucks. I’m gonna miss this. 

Onwards and backwards!